It was interesting being with the whole family to honor the grave and my grandmother, and watching my mother who cared for her...
----Shigeru
Shigeru----
What do you feel when you see your mother preparing for the memorial service for your relatives? Americans seem to have such a hard time relating to death; do you think it is different in Japan?
I remember when one of my older Japanese friends died, and I visited her daughter at home--a small tablet with her name, and a small photo of the mother were on the altar in the house, and the daughter showed me how to greet the mother by clapping my hands and bowing slightly.
Every visit after that, I used to do this, and 'tell' the mother what I had done since my last visit, for example, that my daughter had taken up ballet, or how I published a book, or just filled her in on the news.
This kind of relationship seems so friendly and normal, it doesn't distance the dead person -- you stay connected.
